October 06, 2016

And Now Introducing: Penelope P. Hedgehog

Everyone, I'm pausing my wedding recap extravaganza for the time being so I can talk about someone very important to me today: my friend, my roommate, my other half—Penelope P. Hedgehog.

I've mentioned Penelope (or "Miss P," according to my mother-in-law) before, but I've never properly introduced her until now. (She's very cautious about posting too much of her personal information online.)

Penelope will be one in November and frankly, she's having a bit of a quarter-life crisis already. I told her she's being ridiculous (domestic hedgehogs live 4-7 years on average), but Miss P can be incredibly stubborn.

And when I say stubborn, I mean two-year-old in a toy store, dig in your heels stubborn.

For example, she refuses to eat anything other than cat food and mealworms. I've tried to feed her other foods—chicken, eggs, vegetable, fruits—but she will have none of it.

Actually, "having none of it" is sort of Penelope's M.O. You see, she will have none of most things: people other than me, sometimes me, the large koala bear in her cage, bright lights (she's nocturnal), loud noises, soft noises, things that look like they might make noises, and above all, baths.

Basically, Penelope would be much happier if we brought her food and then just left her alone (which is why I think she and I connect on such a personal level).

Other than Penelope's seven siblings (who Glenda the hedgehog breeder brought along to the Culver's parking lot where we "adopted" her last January), Penelope is the only hedgehog I've ever met. That being said, I'm not sure if all hedgehogs are as anti-social as Penelope, or if she just takes after me.

Of course, when I'm talking to someone I'm not interested in, I at least try to enjoy the small talk. Penelope, on the other hand, couldn't care less about manners; if she's not into you, she curls up into a vibrating, spiky ball for as long as necessary, until you either leave her alone or bring her more food.

And if you still can't take a hint? Well, Penelope has no problems with simply bouncing.

So I guess she might take after me, after all.