September 24, 2015

Just Stop


Lately, in an unusual and unpredicted turn of events, I've been feeling very stressed.

(That was sarcasm, for those of you unfamiliar.) No, the truth is that I'm pretty much always stressed. Even when I don't have a particular reason to be stressed, I can find something to worry about. ("What if I have an undiagnosed autoimmune disorder?!") ("Does this mole look like cancer to you?!") ("What if all the polar bears die?!")

But this time, I actually have a reason. A few, to be honest:
  1. Derrick and I just signed a year lease at a new house, which means another opportunity to  pack up and move every physical thing I own. At least we get to pay a security deposit, though.
  2. Derrick and I just "unofficially" booked our wedding date and our venue. And by that, I mean we "unofficially" decided who we would be giving thousands of dollars to in the near future.
  3. We've both also been under an unusually high amount of work stress lately, which makes the whole security deposit/thousands of dollars thing really fun.
So this post? Sorry, but it's not really for you; this one's for me.

Nicole, just stop. Just stop Google-ing things. It didn't help when you suspected an autoimmune disease, and it isn't helping now. It's just a web of worst case scenarios, so give it a rest.

Nicole, just stop. Just stop trying so damn hard to be perfect. Sure, it's your biggest strength but also your biggest weakness. (And not just in a cliche interview answer sort of way.) You beat yourself up for your mistakes to the point where you can be downright unproductive. The more time you spend berating yourself for the past, the less you're getting done in the present.

Nicole, just stop. Just stop worrying about the small stuff. You know what matters when you're in the midst of life altering decisions? Your dirty bathroom counter.

(There's that sarcasm again.)

Nicole just stop. Just stop worrying about the small stuff, but don't neglect it completely. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, your eyebrows really don't matter. But if it makes you feel better, get those babies taken care of. After all, no one took over the world with unkempt brows.

Nicole, just stop. Just stop taking it out on other people. You're incredibly blessed to have confusingly patient people in your life who will not only take your misdirected irritation, but also rub your feet after... That doesn't mean you need to take advantage of it.

Nicole, just stop. Just stop giving in to the worry. Yeah, the worst case scenario could happen. You could end up a homeless bachelorette peddling around Florida on a trike selling tin cans. 

But probably not. So there's no point in worrying about where you'll get the trike now.