August 03, 2015

Eight Things You Learn From Your Sister


On Saturday, my baby sister turned twenty, something that is both awesome and horrifying. Awesome because she is officially a twenty-something, meaning I'm no longer best friends with a teenager. Horrifying because that means I consider a twenty-something a baby.

And that pretty much makes me a dried up raisin.

But other than using her birth to reflect upon my own 25 years worth of sun damaged skin, this is also a great opportunity for me to talk about what I've learned from having a sister. (Because everyone knows that raisins are a bit self-absorbed.)

1. How to barter. When you really, really want to wear that certain skirt, sometimes it takes a little incentive and salesmanship. It all comes down to how well you can talk up that necklace you'll trade for it.

2. How to weigh consequences. Because sometimes you have nothing to barter. And in that case, does your sister's fury weigh more or less than your desire to "forget" that you've borrowed her Nike sports bra?

3. What your parents really think. When you're out of the house and your parents are talking about your latest life decision, it's like having the walls bugged. Only better, because your bug understands your mom's usage of rhetorical questions.

4. How your hair really looks. Most people will lie and tell you that your latest trip to the salon wasn't a total disaster. ("No, that neon yellow really brings out your eyelashes.") Your sister is not one of those people.

5. If that new birth control is really worth trying. Because having a sister means no "woman topic" is too embarrassing to discuss. Like an interactive Cosmo magazine, minus Khloe Kardashian's left boob.

6. How to say no. Because no, you're not giving up shotgun.

7. A second language. For example, my sister and I are impressively fluent in our own version of "Mumbled Sarcasm," much to our parents' dismay.

8. How lucky you are... To have a built in friend for life, someone who understands why your family is so irritating, someone who, in the end, is always on your team... even if sometimes you steal her sports bras.