April 17, 2015

There Are Two Types of People

Last month, I had to give a presentation in front of my whole department about a recent court decision in a case that involved Garmin running watches.

Besides being utterly terrifying and completely panic-inducing, it was also sort of interesting because... well, running watches. Add "running" before almost any word and I'm interested.

After I finished my talk, I braced myself for the worst part of presentation giving: the "Questions" slide. In fact, when the first attorney turned his mic on to weight in, I definitely flinched. (May have ducked.)

But then, in a bizarre twist of events, he started out by saying, "This is sort of interesting. I never thought of Garmin as a running company; I only knew they made GPSs for cars."

And even more bizarrely, several people nodded.

Now, as a somewhat neurotic ex-collegiate cross country athlete and marathoner who needs to know my exact running pace, I interchange the words "Garmin" and "GPS watch" the way people in Georgia use the word "coke."

Yeah, not every soda is made by Coca-Cola, but why use the extra syllables when you don't need to?

But I guess this just goes to show you that there are two types of people in the world: the runners, and everyone else. Really though, dividing mankind isn't exclusive to running; you can do it with about anything.

For example:

There are those who care about Princess Kate, and those who still think the first baby is news.

Those who liked Christina, and those who liked Britney.

Those who like Halloween costumes, and party poopers who hand out raisins instead of Reese's.

Those who appreciate Harry Potter, and people who don't matter.

Those whose inbox hits zero, and those who signed up for Groupon.

The college athletes, and the college sorority sisters.

Those who read their horoscope, and those who will never know the opportunity next Tuesday brings.

Those who like bacon, and liars.

Those who think Passionfruit is for blog ads, and those who think you buy it at Whole Foods.

Those who've played Mario Kart, and those who will never understand the relief of getting a red turtle shell. (So much more efficient than the green.)

Those who have a sister, and those with half as many clothes.

Those who like it when their bacon gets syrup on it, and those who demand strict food separation.

Apple users and Mac users.

Those who grew up in the 90's, and those who never had a Wonder Ball.

Those who know who LeBron is, and those who don't.

Blondes, and those who don't see their stylist every other month.

Those who like hot dogs, and those who like hot dogs but are grossed out by the thought of hot dogs.

Those who are in Chicago, and those who aren't.

For most of the past year, I've been one of those who aren't in Chicago. But this weekend, that all changes... I'm leaving for the good ol' Windy City today. Have a good weekend; I'll have a Chi-town Bloody for you!

(Yes, one for all of you.)