March 04, 2015

Life's Unanswered Questions
(Starting with Why You Might Need a Tunnel)

Although I do like Canada, it's never really been that thrilling of a country to me. I mean, it seems like they just enjoy their syrup, watch their hockey, and generally leave everyone else alone.

However, this was until the Skimm included a story last week that had me completely fascinated and sort of on edge: a few weeks ago, a 6 ft high, 3 ft wide, and 33 ft long tunnel was found near York University and the Rexall Centre, the venue for the 2015 Pan American Games in Toronto in July.

The crazy part isn't that Canadians use tunnels though; it's that no one had any idea where this tunnel came from or why.

Now, I try my hardest not to be a worst case conclusion jumper but I mean, c'mon. How many innocent reasons are there for an unexplained tunnel?

Best case scenario is that a completely harmless, totally sane person was under the impression that he might soon need a tunnel. But that begs the question: Why does he need a tunnel? What will this tunnel be protecting him from? Do I need a tunnel? 

I've thus been monitoring the worldwide tunnel situation carefully since then for any other signs that I should start digging, or at least for an explanation of why at least one Canadian feels that I should. So imagine my dismay when I read this week that they did find the two guys who dug the tunnel... but I am still no closer to knowing whether I need one myself.

According to CNN, "Toronto Police Constable Victor Kwong told CNN on Monday that two men who dug the tunnel made it for "personal reasons" that were not criminal. CNN asked for more details such as the identities of the men and an explanation of those personal reasons. Kwong declined to provide any further information."

Which only leaves us to wonder why anyone would personally feel he needs a 33 ft long tunnel. And based on Victor's response, we may never know.

And this leads me to my post topic of today: six things we will never know the answer to.

We had this conversation this weekend when Derrick's dad ordered beef tongue tacos for dinner. Who's the guy who decides that beef tongue and dandelion roots are food, but kitten ears and tulip petals are not?

I understand that this isn't the norm everywhere... but at least in DC, fuzzy shins is a sure way to stand out in the pencil-skirted crowd. Who made the practice of leg shaving standard women procedure, and what in the world did they have against insulation and time management?

Do all the East Coast gull ladies go nuts when the gull from across the ocean squawks about football?

And do they mean to do it, or do they get 20 miles out and think, "Oh sh*t."