March 24, 2015

10 Not Really Cool Things About Being a Woman

One thing I really love doing is contradicting and debunking popular stereotypes. (What, you don't?)

Up until recently, one of my favorite stereotypes for leisurely debunking is the one that "women are too sensitive." Because hey, I'm a woman, and I am not too sensitive. My emotions are evenly kept behind a wall of brick and beef jerky (which women like too, by the way).

But this of course was before I realized that maybe, sometimes, as a woman, I am too sensitive.

For example, the last time I went to the dentist: the man kept poking my teeth with that horrendous hooked poker and telling his assistant that he "didn't like tooth number two." And my reaction?

"Well, that's rude. I'm no dentist but I know that my tooth number two is just fine. Maybe even great. In fact, I'm not even sure why it hasn't made it to tooth number one yet. What do you even know about teeth, anyway?"

And of course, that response is ludicrous. Because what the dentist obviously meant (and what I knew the dentist obviously meant) was that he didn't like the potential cavity in tooth number two. He wasn't insulting me or my chomps; he just was saying what he needed to say in a way that I didn't want to hear.

But you know what? Even if sometimes women are a bit "too sensitive," you've gotta cut us some slack: being a woman can be pretty damn difficult. I mean, think about what we've got to deal with:

If you have them, it can suck because of all that maneuvering you have to do to get them to stay put. If you don't have them, it can suck because... well, you don't have them.

I know I've talked about this one before but I'm still far too bitter and my knees are far too razor-scarred to let it go.

Not something I want to talk about particularly but seriously? Once a month? It's just downright inconvenient.

So not only is swimming ten times more cumbersome once a month, but we're also going to get socked in the stomach and reverted back to our 13-year-old self's skin? Cruel.

Try using the diving board in a string bikini and telling me your emotions aren't a little scarred.

Less informed people might mistake common beauty tools for torture devices. How can you not feel sorry for us?

As if periods weren't bad enough.

They're almost impossible to get on but even if you somehow do, there's an 86% chance they're either awkwardly sideways or ripped. They're also the reason we know Robin Hood is a myth: there's no way anyone can do that many activities wearing these constrictive jaws of death.

WTF is argan oil anyway?

And we've got this to compare ourselves with:

So yeah,maybe we can be a bit sensitive. But you know what? Cut us some slack.