February 13, 2015

2015 Holiday Power Rankings


I hate to point this out but it seems as though Valentine's Day is upon us once again.

Now, actually, as far as grossly commercialized and historically misleading things go, I think we can all agree that Valentine's Day ranks pretty high up there on the "Stuff I'm Okay With" list. I'd even put it ahead of Lance Armstrong, if I'm being honest.

But how does Valanetine's Day rank in terms of the other holidays?

Well actually, it doesn't. And I know because I have access to the official 2015 Holiday Power Rankings. And by "access," I mean I made them. (Think of them like the ESPN NFL Power Rankings, only without any value whatsoever.)

It turns out that Valentine's Day isn't even important enough to be included in the rankings. (To be fair, I was going to put it somewhere in the middle but once I reached ten holidays, I didn't have the patience to rank the whole Federal Holiday calendar.)

I'm sure you're wondering which holidays were important enough to be judged though, especially after an introduction like that. So below is the officially unofficial 2015 Holiday Power Rankings, according to me.*


Now, I think that this chart is pretty self-explanatory. However, I did want to make a few brief notes.

I almost didn't want to include Christmas in the rankings because I felt like I was belittling it by putting it amongst the pilgrims and the pumpkins. Really, there is no comparison between Christmas and any other time of the year. I mean... c'mon. Eggnog. Michael Buble. America.

You might think I'm being self-centered by considering my birthday a holiday. But really, I think it's worthy of the number 3 spot solely because it's the only day of the year my mom makes German chocolate cake. And if you tried her German chocolate cake... well, you might celebrate July 24th too.

Everyone seems to forget about Martin Luther King, Jr. Day because it's so close to Christmas and New Year's, but man is it a lifesaver when you're still in holiday-recovery mode. Got to hand it to Alberta Williams King with this one; lady had some excellent timing.

I like New Year's effort but frankly, it just has too much working against it. If you're doing it right, you're always going to have a hangover and don't even think about finding a treadmill for the next three weeks. And there's only so much you can do in a sequined bodycon dress, you know?

Yes, yes, I know that bacon is not a holiday. (Although I'm not really sure why not.) However, I had to add it to the list just to properly show how much I dislike St. Patrick's Day. I dislike it so much that I think it is less deserving of its own day than thin slices of fatty meat. St. Patrick's Day is cold, beer doesn't taste better green, and leprechauns are just sort of creepy.

I apologize to all my Irish readers out there but I'd rather have a BLT.

Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you're getting into something sweet this weekend.
I'm linking this post up with Sarah and Helene today. Go check them out and do it too!

*For the sake of political correctness and stuff, I want to add that this list is not representative of how I feel about veterans, saints, minority rights, or baby Jesus. It's just about commercialism and green beer. Seriously, I love vets.