January 08, 2015

Five Really Important Life Tips I Read on a Blog

Like every other First World millennial, there are times when I think to myself that I should really get off the internet, stop reading blogs, and do something more respectable with my time.

You know, paint with acrylics. Watch a documentary. Memorize Shakespeare. Whatever it is that sophisticated, respectable people do.

But luckily, before I ever actually pick up my high school copy of Hamlet, I always manage to get a grip on reality. And that reality is that you're never going to be the next Alex from Target by reading 17th century literature. In other words, I don't have time to be messing with this respectable "cultured" nonsense if I want to be the next inexplicable social media sensation.


I'm totally kidding.

The truth is that although my 10th grade copy of Hamlet is still in my parents' basement storage room, I do feel guilty about all the time I spend filling my head with hashtags.

But in my defense, blogging isn't all bad. And to convince you (or myself) of that fact, today I decided to round up five times that bloggers taught me something that is actually incredibly useful to my everyday life.

Most of these posts are pretty old so the fact that I remembered them... well, I don't want to say that they were life changing but let's just say they've been way more influential than anything ole Willy S. ever wrote.

When Lindsay told me to stop sitting so much.
It's one of those things like drinking more water: so simple, no one ever thinks of it. But ever since Lindsay told me to move once every hour, I've felt like a new woman. Specifically, a new woman whose butt isn't quite so... mushy. Plus, it gives me five minutes of stair walking every hour or two to catch on up on my Insta feed.

When Kallie told me to stop wearing makeup with SPF.
Before the women's health magazine gods storm my blog for saying that, let me specify: stop wearing makeup with SPF when you're going out at night. Why? Because it's what makes your face look so white in pictures. An incredibly useful piece of advice for everyone except geishas.

When Nadine told me to go to the Goodwill on Monday.
Because that's when all the fresh meat comes in. She also says to go to the Goodwills in the wealthiest neighborhoods near you. Again... so simple, it's like drinking water.

When Stephanie told me to put beer in my cupcakes.
There is nothing more to say here.

When I told you to heat up your eyelash curler.
BOOO. What a shameful, self-promotional plug for extra pageviews. (And yes, I am ashamed of this. But no, not ashamed enough to not post it.)

So there you go: five times the internet didn't completely melt your brain. And what's even better is that you got all this helpful information without even touching SparkNotes.