December 09, 2014

Five Words That Might Change the Way You Communicate

In my post yesterday, I used a word that flat-out does not exist: adulting.

You may have missed it because it does sound like a real word. Unfortunately however, just adding "ing" to a completely commonplace noun does not make it a verb.

The thing is, as childish as it may be, this isn't out of the ordinary for me.

You see, I have this rather inappropriate habit of using my own made-up words pretty frequently. I've been known to refer to my bananas as "naners" on occasion, and I always use the word "peni" when I am referring to multiple penises. (Which happens a lot more than you would think.)

Immature, juvenile: say what you will because I've heard it all. And I really have tried to kick the habit but I just can't help it; every once in a while, I'll still order a steak with a "baked tater" as my side.

And that, my friends, is how I ended up here today, with this post where I am going to reveal five new, not-real words that hopefully will creep up in your conversations without warning. You know, just so I'm not the only infantile numnuggin on the internet.

Because like Macklemore likes to say: change the game, don't let the game change you.

1. Sort of like a budget, but not really.
2. A baby budget.

Example: When you're swiping your Visa at Victoria's Secret and vaguely thinking, "I cannot afford this."

To put something, particularly some technological explanation, in terms that a mother can understand.

Used in a sentence: "How do I mometize the idea that I know who sent her text messages without her signing each one?"

A run, or any other form of exercise, you do to counteract the five Reese's Christmas Trees you ate for emotional purposes earlier.

The act of making yourself seem less creepy than you actually are, often as a result of knowing way too much information about someone exclusively through online creeping.

Used in a sentence: "I had to majorly uncreepitate when he asked me how I knew his favorite line in 'Moulin Rouge!'."

A small nap that you're not sure happened. Naplets are often accompanied by those awkward body spasms that occur in the middle of work meetings the day after a long night out.


Okay, okay, I know: flouting the English language is nothing to joke about. I'm being a child.

But you know what? I've been having a serious case of workweek hell lately that just won't stop. And everyone deserves a break from adulting, don't you think?