November 04, 2014

"That Guy" Rule No. 1: Voting Harassment Is a Patriotic Duty


Today is the day, people: midterm elections here in the U.S.

I thought about making some more fun and mostly unnecessary graphics to follow up the fun and mostly unnecessary graphics in my original midterm elections post, but because that post was one of the most unpopular posts I've ever posted... I decided against it.

Instead, I'm going to take this day to launch a new series that will hopefully be more successful than the time I said I was going to stop eating dairy. (Although that was a fun 38 hours.)

Anyway, the series is called "That Guy's Handbook." (If you're not familiar with "that guy," I suggest reading this post to get a little background before moving on.)

And I'm going to start where any reasonable person might start: at the beginning, with rule number one.

"That Guy" Rule No. 1: Voting Harassment Is a Patriotic Duty 

As Americans, it is our civic duty to vote, just as it is our civic duty to encourage other Americans to do the same.

What separates the Average Joes from "Those Guys," however, is pure dedication. For example, an Average Joe might come up to another American and say, "I see you do not have an 'I Voted' sticker. You should vote!"

But if the non-sticker wearer says that he does not want to vote, please leave me alone, the Average Joe will not press further.

Rule No. 1 is that "That Guy" will not be intimidated. Because if That Guy knows one thing, That Guy knows that the last thing America needs is a bunch of unused "I Voted" stickers littering the land of the free. Do you think that our forefathers fought for this nation so that we could just squander away our adhesive liberties?

That Guy thinks not.

So That Guy is relentless. That Guy will physically and verbally harass the non-voters with a mixture of guilt, unsolicited political advice, and pamphlets until the unruly non-voter has been rightfully stickered.

Because this is America; the Brits didn't give us these stickers for nothing.

That being said, go out and get that sticker! (Before those guys make you.)