October 09, 2014

You Can Label Me White If You Want To


Like I do every other day of the week, I walked into my office on Monday with my headphones in, Pandora going full blast. I was so "in" the moment with Blink 182's "All the Small Things" (that moment probably being seventh grade), that I didn't hear my friend come into my office and ask me what I was listening to.

When I finally did hear him, I told him the truth: Blink 182, which is sort of weird considering I was listening to the John Mayer station. As soon as I said this, he rolled his eyes and said, "You're so white."

Now normally, I don't really get the whole "don't label me" thing. The way I use them, words like white, black, gay, straight, tall, and short are all just adjectives I use to describe people. And I mean, no one gets upset when I call the White House white. Because otherwise it's just the House, and what does that even mean?

But in this instance, my friend was using "white" as an insult. And at first, I was appropriately insulted. I mean, white? Who's white here? The nerve to say such a thing; who let you in here anyway?

But before I could throw him out for having the audacity to label me white, I realized: I am "white." And not just in the sense that the White House is white. I am white as in I wear infinity scarves in Starbucks and listen to John Mayer. You know, that "basic" kind of white.

So instead of fighting it, I'm just going to own it: I like some trendy things. I mean, someone has to, right? And just to prove how unashamedly "white" I really am, here are 15 things I like that are totally trendy, probably basic, and right up my alley.

1. Infinity scarves
2. Infinity scarves in Starbucks
3. Except not infinity scarves with Pumpkin Spice Lattes, although based on the hype I do wish my taste buds would get on board with this one
4. Wearing leggings as pants. They're comfortable and easy and just sort of make your butt look good.
5. Bubbly wine
6. All things brunch
7. Buzzfeed lists. I love giving them crap but sometimes you just need the unnecessary and highly unreliable validation, you know?
8. Mean Girls. In terms of artistic genius, this makes Steven Spielberg look like a pizza delivery guy.
9. White furniture. I just really feel like Pinterest got this one right.
10. Sock buns. And I'm sure I'd like them even more if I actually knew how to make it look like I didn't have a sock on my head.
11. H&M and Forever 21. And to the wise guy who said adults don't shop here: watch me.
12. Inspirational Pinterest Quotes. There's some real gold here actually. And even if they can be a little corny, at least they're usually corny on a beach.
13. Wedding Pinterest pins. As far as I can tell, this is the only enjoyable part of the whole wedding business. Because once you're engaged and actually have to start planning a real life wedding, well, sh*t just sort of hits the fan.
14. Small animals. This actually might be a five-year-old thing, not a white thing. But whatever, I just really like little mammals.
15. The totally cliche notion that "I think I'll start a blog." Because I mean, we've all heard that one before, right?