October 24, 2014

Am I the Only One Who Can't Stop Laughing?

Lately, I've had this sneaking suspicion that I am a lot weirder than I originally thought.

Although the suspicion started sneaking a few weeks ago when I read this article, it didn't become a full on hunch until yesterday after work. Before you continue, I'm going to ask you to read that short article, titled "Girlfriend To Stay Underneath Blanket For Next 5 Months."

Now, if my suspicions are correct, you read that article and thought, "That's sort of weird but I guess a little entertaining, in an undeniably weird sort of way." I'm guessing this was your reaction because that seems to have been the reaction of every person I've shown this article to since I first saw it on Facebook.

But that was not my reaction. In fact, after reading the article for the first time and subsequently spitting my tea all over my keyboard, I immediately told my sister I had something hilarious to read to her. But as I proceeded to try re-reading the piece to my younger sister, I only got halfway through before my laughter was so overwhelming that I just couldn't go on.

When I finished, my sister told me I was nuts and left the room.

And what's worse is that the laughter didn't stop there. No, actually for two days after that, every time I thought about Amanda Bettman and her impressive resolution, I would begin laughing to myself all over again. Regardless of where I was or who I was with, I just couldn't stop.

Maybe you're thinking, "Well, that's not so weird. You just thought that particular thing was very funny. Perhaps unreasonably so, but it's an isolated incident and nothing to worry about."

But the thing is that it WASN'T an isolated incident. The same thing happens fairly often to me, such as the situation after work yesterday that confirmed my sneaking suspicions.

You see, I was leaving my office for the subway when I came across an intersection that was blocked off. At first I thought there had been an accident, but quickly I realized what was going on: someone important (maybe even Barry himself) was leaving the White House, causing all of DC's crossing guards to shut down traffic.

Now, the crossing guards in DC take themselves very seriously. They are guarding very important streets, after all. But of all the crossing guards I have ever seen, none has taken his job so seriously as the one at the intersection I was at.

This man evidently felt that the fate of the free world rested squarely on his neon yellow-clad shoulders, and so God help him if he was going to let the free world down by letting a single pedestrian cross that street.

But the thing is, DC pedestrians don't have twenty minutes to stand waiting at completely empty intersections. So, as expected, many became restless. But as soon as anyone's foot left the curb, that crossing guard let out the shrillest of whistles before screaming, "UH-UH! YOU GET BACK ON THAT CURB!"

This worked for about 30 seconds, before the perceptive pedestrians of DC realized there were two sides of the street and only one crossing guard. So before long, men and women were sprinting across the street every time the guard's back was turned, the crossing guard spinning madly around trying to catch one of these hoodlums in the act. It was like middle school recess all over again, only everyone was wearing business suits.

I was not brave enough to try my luck sprinting behind the guard's back, but it was probably for the best: I was laughing so hard, I would have surely given myself away.

Now, other onlookers were laughing along with me but the thing is, those onlookers stopped laughing once we were allowed to cross and were all on the subway. I, on the other hand, couldn't control myself. And just when I thought I had gotten it all out, I would imagine a middle aged lady in a pencil skirt, head down and arms flapping, scampering down the road while the guard roared in exasperated fury.

And then when I called Derrick later because "I want to tell you something funny that just happened," I could hardly finish the story due to a fresh wave of uncontrollable laughter.

Now, I get that people think things are funny. And sometimes, people laugh too hard at things that are not even that entertaining to begin with. But I have yet to see anyone else on the subway (or any other situation for that matter) inexplicably erupt in frankly paralyzing fits of unprovoked laughter.

All of which leads me to conclude that in terms of weirdness, I have given myself way too much benefit of the doubt.

HAPPY FRIDAY! I'm on my way to my best friend's wedding so I can drink some wine and celebrate her getting hitched.

If you don't have any weekend plans, I've got you covered: play a fun game called Ask Me Anything! Even better, play it with some wine of your own.