September 18, 2014

Five Important Things That Will Change Your Life

I debated whether or not I wanted to post this list because I was afraid it was too "Buzzfeed" for my otherwise sophisticated content about toasters and such.

But in the end, I decided I had an ethical duty as a blogger to share, even if my refined internet status might suffer. Because there is an overwhelming likelihood that this random list will change your life. In fact, there's a greater chance that this list will be life-changing than there is that I'm not wearing pants as I type this.

And that's a pretty good chance.

So if you came here today hoping to read about current social issues and entirely-too-personal emotional blubbering, I apologize. But then again, how sorry can someone be after changing the course of someone else's life?

1. To make your eyelash curler work better, heat it up with a blow dryer. Seriously, just blow your eyelash curler with hot air for 5-10 seconds for instant Beyonce. There is of course that fine line between "heated up" and "I've scalded my eyelids," but I promise the day or two of red raccoon eyes will be well worth it.

2. Leave the seed in the avocado to keep it from going brown. One of the most annoying side effects of living alone is the occasional uneaten half an avocado. But there's one thing worse than an uneaten half an avocado, and that's a brown uneaten half an avocado. I can't remember where or when I learned this tip, but ever since that day my avocado expenses have been cut, literally, in half.

3. titlecapitalization.com and thesaurus.com. 93% responsible for 96% of all my blog posts.

4. Use public restroom paper toilet seat covers as make-shift oil blotting face tissues. For those of you like me blessed with the skin of a 9th grader, using toilet seat covers instead of those $4.99 Clean and Clear oil absorbing sheets is worth millions. Or, well, five dollars. Whatever.

5. The Skimm. I know I've shared this one over and over again but I swear, it's for your own good.

So as Harriet Tubman liked to say: sorry, but I'm not sorry. And actually, you're welcome.

Tomorrow I'll get back to the toasters.