September 15, 2014

Five Essentials for a Successful Bachelorette Party

A few months ago, one of my best friends from high school, Erika, got engaged. Which means that this weekend, we celebrated one of the most momentous days in a girl's life: her bachelorette party.

Now, I know that if you are reading this, there is a good chance you have at least one Pinterest board. And if you have ever been on Pinterest, chances are you are very well-versed in the art of weddings.

The thing is, there is also a chance that one or two of you out there might be like me, i.e, embarrassingly naive to the whole process. I mean, I've always planned on getting married but I was legitimately shocked when I learned that people actually paid for flowers.

If you are one of these select few who are still under the impression that the Hogwarts house elves will be decorating your wedding venue, here is another topic you might need to brush up on: five essentials for a successful bachelorette party.

1. Good Advertisement. Letting everyone around you know the reason for your group's shameless squealing is not only polite, but actually very beneficial. Although it won't help when your Ford Expedition is pulled over for going 52 in a 35, it will earn you a New York City Day's worth of honks and even a few solid marital tips shouted out the windows of beach traffic. (For example, a very kind bald man in a green Accord advised Erika "DON'T DO IT!" shortly before being smacked by the unpleasant lady next to him.)

2. An on point Maid of Honor. All of Erika's bridesmaids (besides me) are from her college or her church, so I don't know them very well. However, that does not mean I am not considering hiring Erika's Maid of Honor, Rachel, for myself. In terms of efficiency, Rachel makes Henry Ford and his assembly line nonsense look like mere child's play. You see, when Rachel plans a bachelorette party... she effing plans a bachelorette party. Binders, highlighters, itineraries... the woman wasn't messing around. I'm talking themed paper products efficiency here. Because if you aren't going big, you might as well go home.

3. 1/2 pound cupcakes. Just in case you run out of M&M's, Almond Joys, brownies, Reese's, salt & vinegar chips, and vodka.

4. A veil. There are some people in the "gaudy bride-to-be gear is obnoxious" camp, who do not believe in wearing things like hot pink bride-to-be sashes and clip-on veils. These are the same people who are paying $10 cover at dance bars, while those of us with veiled friends are getting in for half price.

5. Advil. It's hard to say what is the best way to pregame for a bachelorette party, but I can assure you it is not a three day work trip across the country; by the end, you wind up pretty worn out. Sunday morning, I woke up feeling a bit like three buses ran me over and then someone put me in a spinning Disney World teacup. But thankfully, Rachel was unsurprisingly there with two pills of sweet, sweet relief. Because like the old saying goes: when in doubt, NSAID it out.

Now, I know for most of you, this is all old news; I realize that Pinterest had this stuff ingrained in your heads years ago. And to you, I truly apologize for wasting your time. You may now return to your regularly scheduled pinning.