August 11, 2014

Day 71: It Sucks, but It Could Be Worse

the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool in DC this weekend

My thought with posting this picture was to supplement it with some subtly profound metaphor about your future plans being like Reflecting Pool in DC: just reflection of reality, very shiny but also not real, and filled with a lot of goose crap.

(I was still working on it.)

But enough with the metaphors, am I right? I mean c'mon, when life gives me flat tire, it sure as hell isn't the time to be talking about lemonade. Now, if the saying was "when life gives you lemons, use a wrench to loosen the lug nuts and then use a jack to lift your car 6 inches off the ground," then we'd be getting somewhere. But metaphors are good for Pinterest and Mary Engelbreit calendars, and that's about it.

So I'm not going to dance around the elephant in the room. Because you know what? There is no elephant in my room.

There is however an obvious situation in my life that is going mostly unaddressed. And that is that I am incredibly lonely and even more confused, and that I feel like right now I am floating in a sea of uncertainty and indecision.

Only I'm not actually floating anywhere, because this is my life and not a metaphorical ocean.

To be fair, I know that no one really knows what their life is going to look like in a year. But I don't even have a rough draft to work with.

And while we're being fair, I know I have no room to complain about anything if we're looking at the big picture. There are thousands of Iraqis stuck on a mountain right now. People are dying of Ebola over in Africa as I type this. I mean, my tires aren't even flat.

But you know what? I'm human, and not even a great one at that. So even though sometimes I am able to put things into perspective, sometimes when I feel lonely and confused, I don't think, "Well, at least I'm not on a mountain." And even when I do, sometimes it still doesn't even help.

So instead, I put together a list of ten things that I actively think about when I'm sad that actually help. (I mean, did you really think you'd get out of this without a list?)

1. I stopped being 14 ten years ago.
2. I don't have to listen to Adele if I don't want to.
3. There's a relatively low chance that I will ever suck my own hair into my vacuum cleaner.
4. There's a slightly higher but still relatively low chance that I will get my hair stuck in a ceiling fan.
5. Somewhere out there, a masked woman referred to as Anon is in the weight room getting sh*t done.
6. I still have 26 years until someone might expect me to get a colonoscopy.
7. There really is never a situation where I need to wear knee-highs.
8. So far, it seems as though I will most likely never grow a mustache.
9. There is no reason for me to wear a one-piece bathing suit.
10. In the end, no matter what else happens, Voldemort always dies.

Now you should remember that this list is for me more than it is for you so if none of this cheers you up, I do apologize; you might just be better off thinking about a how to address the elephant in your dining room.