August 05, 2014

Day 65: Busy Doesn't Equal Productive (but You Knew That)

I was going to pick a more relevant picture, but I liked this one of me in high school better.
I have an unhealthy relationship with "Busy."

Now, just hold on to your Pinterest quotes for a second; I know that busyness does necessarily equal productivity. (Although productivity and I have our own problems to take to counseling.)

What I'm talking about though is straight up, vacuuming four times a week, Busy. Known sometimes on the internet as blog every night Busy. Or in the office as organizing the lunchroom fridge Busy. You know, just doing the stuff that really has no business being done.

I don't know if my unhealthy relationship with ol 'Bus is a result of the generation I've grown up in, or maybe just a side effect of being a typical Type-A first born. Or maybe I'm just a nut, the timeless type of nuttery that has nothing to do with information age.

Whatever the reason for the relationship however, it is definitely an unhealthy one. You see, no one needs to be constantly busy. No one needs to vacuum the floor more than once a week, and most people might say my ambitious bloggery is excessive.

And to be honest, I don't even like Busy all that much.

Which is the reason my relationship with him is unhealthy; I only see him because I'm afraid to let him go. Because when I let him go, my brain just starts flipping out. As soon as I get a second when I don't have any plans and my living room carpet is screaming for mercy, like this weekend ... I lose it.

And by "lose it," I mean I start thinking of all the things I want to do. Which is a lot.

I want to travel. I want to buy a house. I want to start another blog about patent law. I want to start a third blog about running. And then I want to design them both on Wordpress, because how else am I going to make it as a freelance website designer? Plus, that'll make it easier to design my own site when I  make it as a freelance writer. Oh yeah, and a personal trainer... that'd be cool too. Put it on the list.

And because I'm not busy, I have time to open a tab on Google Chrome for every tab I've opened in my brain. Before I know it, I'm switching back and forth between personal training certification requirements to a blog post on SEO to the tab I have opened to Travelocity.

And that's when I realize I don't know if I can even do this stuff. I wasn't very good at French; what makes me think I'll be any better at HTML? And besides, when will I even have time to learn it all? I have, like, 300 years worth of patent law cases to catch up on for my blog.

And then I start falling down that dark pit that goes from slightly overwhelmed to downright anxiety-ridden that there will never be enough time for me to do all these things, that I could probably only realistically do two or three in a lifetime... but how do I choose? I want to do them ALL.

Which is about the time I pull out my Hoover. Because who has time to think about African hot air balloon rides when there's carpet to be vacuumed?