July 24, 2014

Day 53: 23 Things I've Learned in 23 Years

me minus about 16 years

Today officially marks 24 years from the day I was a slimy newborn fresh out of the womb.

And it's such a weird, in-between age indeed; on one hand, I'm now only a year away from my mandatory quarter-life crisis but on the other, I still use my dad's medical insurance.  It's like the preteen years of your twenties, pimples and all.  (Even thought I was sure there was a rule that they're supposed to go away once you start paying taxes.)

So in true blogger form, here is a list of 23 things I've learned in the past 23 years.

1.  Folding a fitted sheet is an entirely pointless exercise and no matter what Pinterest tells you, you should give up now.
2.  99% of the time, self-tanner probably isn't necessary.
3.  The other 1% of the time, it definitely isn't necessary.
4.  The most dangerous combination in the world is Target and a credit card.
5.  The second most is two drinks and a Twitter handle.
6.  Sometimes you feel like you've got your life together, and sometimes you run out of toilet paper at 11 pm.
7.  Nothing is forever.
8.  Even if you don't think karma is real, make sure yours is good anyway.
9.  Never trust anyone who turns down a taco.
10. Evidently, some people in the world are under the impression that there is a time and a place for Bloody Marys, and 10 PM at a sports bar isn't one of them.  Avoid these people at all costs.
11. Sometimes, all being an adult means it that you have a shower curtain.
12. When it comes to the office mini-fridge, bring your A-game; it's a dog-eat-someone-else's-yogurt world out there.
13. Before you rent an apartment, always turn on all the taps.
14. People actually do sometimes use the airplane vomit bags for their intended purpose.
15. Don't ask a man what he's thinking about unless you're prepared to talk about Taco Bell.
16. Snow is a good thing, and there can definitely be too much of a good thing.
17. The purest form of misery is trying to hail a rush hour cab in downtown Chicago.
18.  If your mom is telling you something that you don't want to hear, chances are it's the thing you need to listen to most.
19. When all else fails, Harry Potter.
20. The best way to prevent a hangover is pizza and grilled cheese.
21. Don't try stopping a subway door with your lunchbox.  That's not how it works.
22. Drink more water, and don't eat the Splenda.
23. No one really knows what they're doing; some are just better at faking it than others.