July 02, 2014

Day 31: 10 Things Better than a Long Distance Relationship

Me and Derrick

Two months ago, I boarded a one-way flight to the East Coast without Derrick.

In case you don't know Derrick, he's the guy I've been dating for the past 4.5 years, the guy who moved to Chicago to be with me.  The "peas to my carrots," if you will.  The peanut butter to my jelly, the Noah to my Allie, the Tama to my gotchi.  You get the idea.

He's also the reason I'm flying to Florida today.

To celebrate the occasion, I had a post planned in my head that described what it's like to be in a long distance relationship, how walking through an airport in hysterics isn't nearly as glamorous as they make it sound in the country songs.

But in the end, I decided not to post it.  It's not because I don't think incredibly depressing won't interest anyone; people love a good pity party.  That's what John Green told me, anyway, and the four million teenage girls who really thought Augustus would pull through.

No, I know incredibly depressing can be incredibly interesting.  But the thing about incredibly depressing is that it's usually more appealing when it's not your own.  Your own depressing is just sort of... depressing.

Also, I like keeping my blog infuriatingly vague.  You know, tell 'em just enough so they know there's something juicy going on over there, then jump straight to a mostly unrelated list.

So that being said, here are ten things I'd rather do than be in a long distance relationship.

1.  Chaperone four million teenage girls to see "The Fault in Our Stars"
2.  Voluntarily eat a mother effing, overrated Belgian waffle
3.  Ask Lil' John if perhaps he might turn down
4.  Set Luis Su├írez "off balance"
5.  Bring butter cookies to an HLB bakesale
6.  Break up with Taylor Swift
7.  Cater a Jong-un family reunion
8.  Fold 15 fitted sheets and iron 15 dress shirts
9.  Long division
10.  And this:

I'm off to Florida for the holiday weekend.
See you all on the other side; it's a lot tanner over there.