June 10, 2014

Day 9: Just a Few General Questions

Dear Arlington,

I've been here for about a week now and things are going pretty well, as I think you'd agree.  But I have had a few questions come up.  Nothing big, just your typical "get to know each other" sort of thing, but it'd be really great if you could just clear a few things up for me.  You know, just so we can really start taking our relationship to that next level.

1.  Regarding the above picture:  I came across this at Whole Foods.  What is it?  And why are you selling it?

2.  Speaking of Whole Foods, I also saw the other day that you were selling "organic kelp granules."  I was just wondering where I could go to get my kelp un-granulated?   

3.  So say a friend just wanted some plain table salt.  You know, nothing from the sea or pink or sourced from deep within the Himalayan Mountains.  Where could one find that?  Asking for a friend, of course.

4.  On that note, are we allowed to use plastic tupperware here?  I know, I know; harmful chemicals, cancerous growths, second heads... I hear ya.  But really, I'm totally cool with it.  Just where can I get some?

5.  I still don't own anything from Lululemon; is there a fine for not dressing in uniform?

6.  Where are they handing out the unbearably adorable puppies for our evening walks?  I was hoping I could reserve one for next Tuesday.

7.  Also the babies; do we get them at the same place?

8.  I know that the entire town agreed to board the subway at 8:15 every morning and I like the sense of community here.  Really, I do.  But I was thinking maybe we could try implementing a bit more of a staggered start?  There are some really nice armpits here for sure, but I kind of liked not starting my morning squished into one on the metro.

9.  Speaking of the metro, I'd also like a little clarification on why we sprint when we get off it?  It's a little alarming and to be honest, I have a hard time keeping up in the morning.

10.  I really like what you've done with the running trail.  Seriously, great work.  I just thought we'd bounce around the idea of maybe having a port-o-pot somewhere along the 50 mile path.  Nothing fancy or anything.  You know, just a place for some morning "me time" that isn't a bush facing a highway.

Other than that, like I said: great work.  I think this relationship has gotten off to a fine start and I think we're really going to do something special here.  But if you could just get back to me on those few things, that would be wonderful.

Best regards,


But seriously, think about the port-o-pots.

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"
- Albert Einstein