June 25, 2014

Day 24: Reasons Why I Will Read Your Blog

My parents' demon cat, Ruby
I was a quarter of the way through writing a post yesterday about how I spent my evening in a Splenda-induced agony on my couch when I had an epiphany: I was writing about how I spent my evening in a Splenda-induced agony on my couch.  Take out a few adjectives, and I was writing about my evening on my couch.

Now, I know that I'm a good writer.  I mean, they don't just hand out fourth grade poetry awards for nothing; I can pack a mean haiku.  But I had a hard time believing that anyone besides me would find my evening lounge very exciting.  Even if I described it in 17 syllables.

This of course led to a typical blogging existential crisis:  What do my readers want?  Why is my blog here?  Why am I here?  How many syllables are in a haiku?

Well, Google had me covered on the last one but the rest: even Yahoo Answers was stumped.  And God knows that the people there know everything.

And the sad truth is that I still don't know the answers.  My mom reads my blog every day to confirm that I am still alive, but everyone else?  I can't tell you.

But because I had already deleted the three paragraphs I had about yesterday's couch spectacle, I decided to go with the next best thing.  I don't know why people read my blog but I can tell you why I read yours.  Specifically, here are eight reasons why I will read your blog:

1.  You write something that I can relate to.  Maybe that's selfish but hey, I blog about my life; what do you want from me?  Even just a vague relation to me is fine, but a play-by-play of your BLT last Thursday in Reno, Nevada?  You would have been better off stopping at the bacon.

2.  You write something that is funny.  Bonus if you write something funny that I can relate to.

3.  You write one of those lists that tell me 24 things I have to do before I'm 24.  Because if I can't measure my life's worth against the standards of an unidentified author on Buzzfeed, how will I know if I'm doing it right?

4.  You write something that will eventually make me sound smarter.  In other words, you write theSkimm.

5.  You mention Harry Potter.

6.  You write something controversial.  Think Justin Bieber, but less Canadian.

7.  You teach me how to be a better blogger.  That's why we're all here anyway.  I always love a good tips and tricks post.  Unless you tell me to stop writing lists.  Then you're fired.

8.  You just post pictures of cats.  Actually, forget everything else I just said and stick with the cats.